After what has felt like the longest yet shortest wait of all time. The surgery is done.
We left at half past 6 in the morning. Lincoln was still snoring peacefully in bed and that really upset me. As stupid as it sounds and all I kept trying to remind myself is that it wasn’t brain surgery, I was just having a cyst removed, but the idea of not having a big sloppy kiss from my little terror on such a frightening day really saddened me. Even for him to just ignore me as I wave goodbye out the window would have been enough but I left him sleeping peacefully whilst his Grandad prepared himself for the debacle that is the morning routine.
By 7.30 we were in the hospital.. waiting.. My name was on the board. This was really happening. And then the fire alarm goes. Twice. Really?! We were called in to another room, I answered what felt like a million questions I had to remove every bit of jewellery and was then given at least 5 different tablets, a stunning gown to wear and then we sat and waited some more. As we waited the hospital room slowly filled with more and more women all coming for an operation of some description. They all went through the same process. The nurse was brilliant she handled everything with such ease and care, she was super friendly and made everything so much easier.
After what felt like forever the nurse -Lonia, told me it was time to go up. Tom went off for breakfast (lucky sod I was starving!) I was laid on to a bed in the anaesthetic room, I had a cannula put in my arm and thats it. Thats all I can remember next thing I know my vision is incredibly blurry and I hurt. I can’t sit up, I can’t breath properly, no matter what I do I can’t catch my breath so they give me oxygen and then I’m being wheeled back down to the hospital ward dozing in and out. Tom was waiting for me, there really is nothing more reassuring than seeing your fiancee face after being in around so many nameless faces. I came around and had to have my stitches looked at. we filled out more paperwork. I got dressed with a lot of help from Tom and we were on our way home. Everything went by so quick! I was still thriving off the morphine and painkillers so even though I knew I hurt I couldn’t actually feel it. Its the most bizarre feeling.
We stopped for Ice cream because as Tom always says as we drive past the otter vale Ice cream place ‘Its rude not too‘ I don’t actually remember how we got their. I remember eating the ice cream and then being at home. I don’t remember the journey home at all. Apart from the speed bump coming in to our little village. That I remember clearly.
That night I slept terribly. The morphine was totally out of my system. Every movement I could feel. Nothing made me comfortable. I woke up and all Lincoln wanted to do was be next to me. Jump next to me. I was so tense I burst in to tears. He hadn’t hurt me, he hadn’t touched me but I was so scared of how much it already hurt and how much it would hurt just having him bounce next to me sent me to tears. I felt awful, He didn’t understand, he doesn’t know whats going on. Over the past couple of days I have felt awful not just through the pain but through the want to pick my boy up when he cries. I want to hold him and play with him. Its more than likely all of my emotions from all the painkillers I’ve had to take but the hurt in my heart of wanting to cuddle my baby and see his face so sad when he asks for a carry.
I am the worst patient. I am the worst sick person. I don’t do bed rest. I don’t do staying still and resting. I can’t do it. These past 2 days have killed me. I will lay their and then think of something I need to do. Which I don’t actually need to do and I attempt to get up and then I end up in even more pain than I was before. I thought I was fine and attempted to wash up. I could barely stand up I was so exhausted.
Having to try and explain to Lincoln that Mummy can’t pick him up for a while and that he can’t climb on Mummy like a soft play area has been really difficult but he really has been amazing. He knows not to climb on me like he use to and already It’s like he is in tune with whats going on. Even the dog follows me around like I should be using a zimmer frame. But the real hero in all of this has to be Tom. He has been amazing taking care of me. Making sure I have everything I need as well as taking care of Lincoln, the dog and the house. Who knew he could manage!!
We are now through day 2 of ‘Recovery’ I am still extremely swollen and so bruised! My stitches hurt beyond compare. Childbirth was more comfortable than this but, this is the end. The surgery is done. I know longer have to think about what sat on top of my ovary. I know longer have to worry about overdoing it and possibly twisting an ovary. Although the pain may be worse right now. It will get easier and then so much better!
Now I have to wait for my follow up appointment and a letter with the results on. Then this is all done. Everything is over with and we can continue with the wedding planning and providing everything goes back to normal I can finally start exercising again!